Dante's Hidden Ring

I do not care if you are a man, a woman, shemale, whatever. You have been here. Probably many times. It is worse than hell. It is like nothing else. It is a fate I would wish upon no enemy. It is the friend zone. When you are here, you aren't getting out. I don't care how many women say they would rather every guy be there and "oh, it's easy to get out". It isn't. There is no way out. You will die here.


FML

Obligatory Cliche Title: I'm Baaaack!

Now, that's out of the way. I'm gonna take the time to apologize to all the 2-2 1/2 readers out there who maybe checked this thing once or twice will I spent my summer in a "coffee shop". But that's for another blog. This blog, ladies and gents, is about a new craze sweeping the nation. The kinda craze that ignites the airwaves. The kinda craze that spreads infectious diseases, those awful Hush Puppies shoes, and the Kings of Leon song "Notion". This craze: Hoodrats

Think this about a Snoop Dog song? Read on. This summer I attended many a few social gatherings with friends, UGA Shin-Dings with my brother, and read a few god awful facebook statuses. Upon analyzing my surroundings and situations, I happened to notice a pattern in the way people acted. A subtle pattern at first, but when I expounded upon this craze with a few friends, I learned they too had heard of this and even gone so far as created a name for it: Hoodrats. I know your asking what exactly a Hoodrat is, and I'm gonna give it to ya straightup. You know that girl at the party who shows up ALREADY drunk? Hoodrat. You know the girl you have on speeddial that will come over whenever wherever? Hoodrart. You know the girl who doesn't speak a word but texts her "man" at the party a mere 10 feet away, asking to have some "together time"? Slut, but also, Hoodrat. A hoodrat is not the girl you become friends with. It is not the girl you bring home to mom, and it is not the girl you take to an intellectual movie or Shins concert. She is the down an dirty devil women who you label in you phone as "Taylor" because you can't remember her last name to save the life of you. A hoodrat is always at the party, her satus reading "going out tonight!" or "be back in the morning" and you never stop really to question who invited her, how she got there, or who she is there with. It has come to the point where parties NEED hoodrats. They are like that ugly painting in your house that annoys the hell outta you but the second you take it down, the house feels empty. Next time you are at a party and you suspect someone falling to this persona, simply walk up to them and ask them how they got here. You usually don't live to tell the tale.


Out.

Shooter

I'm at a cross roads. Upon walking an innocent hallway the other day and creeping on some freshman's conversations, I hit an enlightenment jackpot. After months of using and abusing the word, I think it's safe to say that I am now sick of "Bro". This is partly my fault, as I turned something sacred (The Bro Code) and watered it down to a peasant greeting for piss ant pre-pubescent pricks. No more "BROOOOO!", no more "Bro?" and certainly no more "BRA!". While I still have lingering feelings for the word, I feel like its run its course, served its purpose, and needs to slowly die(Much like Carlos Mencia). So long old friend...

Mass Consumption #1

So I'm experimenting here. Each week I will take the number one song on iTunes and disect it's lyrics, attempting to understand the vast, deep minds of such artists as Miley Cyrus, Soulja Boy, and Britney Spears. These artists are so obviously hidden geniouses and sometimes we overlook their good given lyrical ablilities with say their god given ability to be whores. They get the best of both worlds (sorry I had to).

3/10/09 Number one song: Flo Rida- Right Round

You spin my head right round, right round (Physically or metaphorically?)
When you go down, when you go down down
You spin my head right round, right round
When you go down, when you go down down (Please elaborate)

Hey
Hopped out of that house with my swagger (Swagger..new vocab word)
Hop in that with girl, I got places to go!
People to see, time is precious
I look at my crowd and they out of control
Just like my mind where I’m going
No women, no shorties, no nothin but clothes (So they aren't naked?)
No stoppin now, my parolees on role (So you aren't in jail? explain?)
I like my jewelry, that’s always on gold
I know the storm is comin
my pockets keep tellin me it’s gonna shower (OMG HIS PANTS ARE MAGIC!!)
Call up my homies that’s home
Then pop in the night cuz it’s meant to be ours
We keep a fade away shot cuz we ballin
it’s platinum patron that be ours
Lil mama, I owe you just like the flowers (He owes his mother flowers?)
Girl you to drink with all that and power clubs

(Flo Rida)
From the top of the pole I watch her go down
She got me throwin my money around
Ain’t nothin more beautiful to be found
It’s goin down down. (where? I'd like to attend..)
From the top of the pole I watch her go down
She got me throwin my money around
Ain’t nothin more beautiful to be found
It’s goin down down

Shawty must know I’m not playin
My money love her like a numba one fan (OMG HIS MONEY HAS FEELINGS!!)
Don’t look at my mouth, let her talk to my fans
My Benjamin Franklin
A couple of grands, I got rubber bands
My paper planes makin a dance (ZOMFG HIS PAPER PLANES ARE ALIVE!!! HE MUST BE SOME KIND OF WIZARD!!)
Get dirty all night, that’s part of my thing
Keep building castles that’s made out of sand (Wouldn't the rain from before wash them)
She’s amazing, the fire blazing
Hotter than
Girl won’t you move a lil closer?
Time to get paid, it’s maximum wage (Obviously connects with the poor. Man for the people)
That body belong on a poster
I’m in a daze, that bottom is wavin’ at me
Like damn it I know you (I think her bottom has a mind of it's own?)
You wanna show like a gun out of holster
Tell me whatever and I’ll be your roper ..

(Flo Rida)
I’m feelin my money (Apparently it feels you too)
I’m out of control
Somebody help me
She’s takin my bank roll.
But I’m king golf the club (King Golf the Club.....WTF!)
And I’m wearin the crown
Poppin these bottles
Touchin these models (Felony in most states.....)
Watchin they asses go down down

What Flo Rida is so obviously saying is that he enjoys women who have mastered the art of pole dancing, spining his head right around. They must know that he isn't playing and he is going to watch their asses spin down a stripper pole. He wears a crown and has many stacks of what appears to be Benjamin Franklins. This song clearly outlines his entreprenural talents....

Front:Back

List of unacceptable words to call your significant other (special women, girlfriend, wife, prostitute,mom?)

• Angel
• Precious
• Baby Doll
• Schnookumbs
• Princess
• Sugar Plumb
• Sugar Pie
• Honey Bunn
• Pudding
  
• Sugar Puss (It's been done)
• Peach
• Snuggles
• Sweetkins
• Treasure
  
• Tinkerbelle (Go with it)
• Sweets

Please, date responsibly

Time To Burn

I get home the other day, expecting an afternoon nap and maybe some Seinfeld. Nothing fancy, nothing too riveting. However, waiting on my bed was something shocking. Sports Illustrated 2009 Swimsuit Edition. Now don't get me wrong, I love thumbing through the glossy pages of borderline naked chicks in exotic places as much as the next pre-pubescent guy, but something was different about this one. I started wondering about the girls behind the breast implants and how proud there parents must be. There girls are doing what they love, and if that means an occasional nip slip, then so be it. Sports Illustrated is not just selling sex, they are selling real feminine personalities to the public. Hell, there's even a gap-toothed model thrown in there this year, showing America that it isn't just some shallow soft-core porn, but instead a look at inner beauty. These girls are are trying to connect with us on a deep intellectual level, sometimes shown through their use of "historical photo locations" (Naked Jessica on Capitol Hill?) They even give you these nice captions about what the girls do in there free times and sometimes they even brush up on deep subjects like politics with these girls. There is something so cute about seeing a women wearing nothing but a barely laced swimsuit telling me she's proud of our " 2nd African American President" (MLK Jr. being the first in her world) and how they had hoped "Sarah Palin would have been the 1st women President". Such wonderful insight from the beautiful beaches of Cozumel.


Good god, please save us.

dear mr. president

something is wrong with America:

P. Logan Down

let me explain. for a male , 25% of the females he knows are dateable by age and location. Out of that, 8% are not his best friends. Out of that, 4% are in "his league". Out of that, you have a 1:3 shot of it working out. the odds are stacked against us...

I should stop drinking mountain dew this late..

Keep on keepin' on..

you know what really grinds my gears? when you're in class and you look over and see people write down EVERY word the teacher says..his jokes, his stories, his cough times, his water sips (you get the point). It just bugs me because I feel like I should do what they do and be stalkers to the teachers every movement...shadow his hand and mouth...feed on all the information he sends my way...and then a day like today happens when I totally kill everyone's grades and it makes me realize, it IS easy being easy.

Stay Classy

frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

I was sitting here stuffing my face with red and pink starburts (yes, I'm THAT guy who goes into candy stores and picks those ones only out of the whole lot and ruins it for everyone else) and I decided to write what's been on my mind today.
Now I know out of the 3 maybe 4 people who read this thing, only 1 is of the female nature, so feel free to ________(sexist comment). But men I feel I need to ask, how many times have you had a women say to you:
a. she is not pretty
b. she feels ugly
c. she did not look "beautiful today", shooting down your compliment
Horrible. Disgusting. Why should we sit here and have women belittle themselves for the sake of compliment fishing. Do they think we have nothing better to do than argue with them on how "pretty they really are" and just build their confidence? I say hell no. Can men not take a stand and instead of give in to their demands, just say yes, you did look bad today?

Would the end justify the mean?

his body flew right up in the sky...

Rest In Peace Cooper Newson. Our time was too short. You had a heart of gold man..We love you.
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/18606988/detail.html#-

Nickelback has ruined music..

Thought i'd share this. You will only understand if you realize that this how that pitiful band ACTUALLY sings and writes.

Anyhoozier, at CVS the other day, a man came in and bought condoms AND a pregnancy test. I almost told him he had a vast misunderstanding of how the human body worked, but instead I just smiled and told him good luck. So many disturbing things I could put here now related to The Wonderful World of Sex, but I think I'll just leave you with this:

Artiicel 72:

A bRRO nevver spelll chks.

Good Day

Your Grain of Salt

This Blog...it will

• offend you
• make you cry
  
• make you swoon
• make you elated
• make you dance...if you're into that

Come back and see us. I won't say much as it's late and I smell white chip macadamia nut cookies. But before I go I will leave you with this:

Bro Code Article 143:
When executing a high five, a bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand.

The word of Bro, for the people of Bro. Good night America